Twenty-Two Things


It would seem a waste to pass up this opportunity, since I shan’t be around to see the next such perfect alignment of numbers.

  1. As I grow older, I become both more convinced that God is gracious and more sad about how humans are.
  2. Every time I see kindness now it makes me cry. Every time.
  3. My competitive flame was starting to sputter until my 14-year-old reignited it. I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
  4. I still miss Nicaragua.
  5. I’ve made friends that I never would have expected to make and I’ve lost friends I never would have expected to lose. This is still happening, now, in my fifties.
  6. Annalise told me, “I know writing is how you process things,” and I realized wow, that’s exactly right.
  7. Our willingness to accept others’ suffering as the price for our comfort is the ugliest thing I’ve seen. Our ability to rationalize this is mind-boggling.
  8. Some of the coolest people I know, I have never met in person.
  9. I still don’t understand the combination of gifts God has given me nor whether I’m using them as I should be; it feels pretty late in the game for this.
  10. I wish more people felt empathy.
  11. It’s a slow process, but I’m more at peace with myself than I have been. I dislike myself less and am less depressed, but I don’t know which is cause and which effect.
  12. Now that I’ve been married almost twenty-nine years, I’m even more astounded by those who reach fiftieth or even sixtieth anniversaries…yet these also start to seem possible.
  13. I still love Star Wars, dinosaurs, baseball, and baseball cards…all things I loved when I was eight.
  14. I didn’t drink alcohol until I was twenty-nine and coffee until I was fifty–and now I definitely do. Together, even.
  15. I like underdogs.
  16. Giving my heart in relationships has been one of the hardest things I’ve done; that I still do it, even after the number of times I’ve been burned, makes me feel good about myself.
  17. I still don’t get this “boundaries” business. Maybe when I’m sixty.
  18. Faithfulness is simply small steps in the right direction; following Jesus is simply seeking to be faithful and accepting grace when I fail.
  19. I think I learned to care less about what people think of me–which used to own me–when it finally became clear that the decision was between being faithful in speaking up and trying to make sure everyone thought well of me. I couldn’t do both.
  20. Jesus is love and love is simpler, more beautiful, and harder than I thought.
  21. I love that Kim and I have brought awesome human beings into the world!
  22. The journey is everything.

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